I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize