I wanna bring you to show and tell
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
