i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
