All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
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