someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
