Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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