Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
