Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
