So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm too high and old for this...
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
