My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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