you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
