im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
