ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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