Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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