Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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