i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
