I have demons in me.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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