There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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