I bet he comes in French.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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