I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
