well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
