and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
