you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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