I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
