it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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