i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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