He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
