I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
