Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
