Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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