and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
