TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
