This house was built for laser tag.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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