he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
