We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize