We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
The Olympian is in my bed
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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