I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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