my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
