I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize