U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
