I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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