dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize