if you like me you must not know who I am
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
