im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Terrible idea I love it
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
