Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
