Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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