We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
