If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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