I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
