I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
