my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We had sex on a dog bed..
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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