White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
