I cockslap morals
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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