I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
