The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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