when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I deserve this hangover.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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