the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
