are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
