I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
