i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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