Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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