we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
