I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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