What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
