Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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