Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Two words: blizzard sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
