dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
