he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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