I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
