Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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