Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We have started to decorate penises.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize