And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The air was thick with penises
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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