One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
