Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
