So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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