The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I love having hate sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
