I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
