Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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