I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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