don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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