I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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