and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
