there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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