you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize