Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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