member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
