New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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