Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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