dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
