cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize