The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
