After last night, I could never be a politician.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
