my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
