Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
