if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
