I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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