Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
