Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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