Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
