Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Randomize