god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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