I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Randomize
