I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
