You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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