So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
