I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
