i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
