Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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