my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
