I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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