So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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